Over Ovation

A new malady has infected our citizenry – Chronic Standing Ovation. CSO knows no boundaries and affects theatergoers, recital parents and members of Congress alike. CSO was first spotted within clusters of theatre patrons desperately attempting to convince themselves they had experienced a life-altering moment in theatrical history in order to self-soothe after paying moronically inflated ticket prices. (You just spent a month’s groceries on this shitty 99-seat show your friend is in, and you’re damn well gonna convince yourself and everyone around you that it’s amazzzzzing.)

This very quickly led to similar symptoms being displayed at music concerts where audience members had skipped two car payments and a rent check to see that band of aging rockers before one of them dies. (The brag isn’t worth as much without the original group intact.) Children’s recitals and/or plays were hit particularly hard when

CSO swept through entire communities as frenzied parents strove to make their mediocre offspring believe they had star quality. Like reviving Tinkerbell, if we clap hard enough, Jessycka will have talent and Klondike won’t be boring as fuck.

The cure for CSO dwells within us all, people. When the urge hits to stand up and cheer for something that was just okay – RESIST! When you’re being manipulated with unrequested encores, multiple curtain calls, and tutued tykes blowing kisses – STAY SEATED! If we don’t fight back and take responsibility for our own reactions, we’re doomed to behave like politicians at a State of the Union Address…and CSO wins. Don’t let that happen. Sit the fuck down!

Speaking of staying in your seat...